if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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