no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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