between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
