We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
