He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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