she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I believe in your delicious
All I want is dick and wine.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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