Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
