He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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