got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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