mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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