Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
