I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
