I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
