Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i believe in u and ur pee
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
