Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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