I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
