so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
