I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
