Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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