those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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