You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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