Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
