Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
smell my finger.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
