i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
jump out the window naked night went bad
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