I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
