I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
