Swine flu is the new snow day.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
