you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
