Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
