i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
