god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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