Having a random hookup so left but love u
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
