you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
