The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We need to get me chipped asap
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
