Is it normal to miss your booty call?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Are we still banned from the library?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
