I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
