Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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