last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
