Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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