apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
