garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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