you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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