You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
