soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
