weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
