how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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