batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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