Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
