I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
