I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
