Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
