Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
